Perhaps Britney Spears Said it Best

Recently, a co-worker who works in the HR department where I work shared with me some interesting information. He informed me that he had to run a report on all employees at the firm and of the 1,300 people working here, I'm the youngest by three years.

"That's cool," I said. He responded with, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

I thought that was an odd response.

I'm not ashamed of my age. In fact, at work I, I like my age. Everyone around me is older, which consequently makes me feel young. (I know, I know, 22 is young.)

As of late, I've been struggling with the idea of getting older. Hearing some guy in HR tell me I've got the rest of the firm beat when it comes to being the youngest — by a long shot — oddly comforts me.

Last week, I read Jess' post on "Umm ... Now What?," which more or less discussed her fear of growing up. Like many of the commenters, it really resonated with me. I too am about to turn 23 (in March) and have developed a bit of a complex about it. I like the idea of getting older — one day buying a home, getting married, having children — but at the same time it absolutely terrifies me. I tried to hold on to my college-life with a kung-fu-like grip, but eventually the inevitable happened: I graduated, attained a job and got drop-kicked into the "real world."

Sure, there are plenty of appealing things that go along with being in the "real world." For one thing, I finally have some money, which I can use to purchase some nice things. I also have carefree weekends, not bogged down with papers and studying.

But despite all the new purchases and all the extra time to relax, I can't help but look back on the innocent(ish) days of my youth. There's nothing like being a kid and having ziltch responsibility ... no worries of rent, deadlines, job security, the economy ... etc.

In some ways I feel very much like a grownup ... YET, in other ways I feel very much like a kid. For example:

• A hefty portion of my pay goes towards "big girl" expenses like student loans, a car payment, insurance, my 401K, etc ... YET, I'm some how still able to weasel my mom into paying my cellphone bill.
• I ask for "big girl" Christmas gifts like new pots and pans, a coffee maker, a panini grille, an automatic car starter, etc ... YET, I do so by preparing a detailed list, titled "Caity's Christmas Wish List," which I make six weeks prior to the big day, prepare copies of and pass out to my "lucky" loved-ones.
• Like tonight, I choose to be responsbible on a work night and stay in. I light some candles and enjoy a few a glass of "big girl" wine ... YET, I drink the classy wine out of a beer glass that reads, "Budweiser, The Great American Lager."

Sheesh.

I think maybe Brit really did say it best, "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman."

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*On a completely unrelated note, I updated my "About" page. Check it out, yo!

Comments

[Kyla Bea]

I have to say, in most ways I adore being adult. I switched schools about 5 times before high school, my parents got divorced when I was little, I really took on being a third parent to my little sister…. The ability to have control over what happens to me? It’s addictive! = )

I don’t mind the responsibility of being out of school, owning a house, or being married at 23 years old, what gets me is how open ended so many of the challenges that face me and my friends. And being that I’m married, out of school, a home owner, and working full time, I really dislike that my friends feel like they can’t relate to me sometimes.

A lot of the time I still feel like a kid. I’m happy, I play with my puppies, I eat pie for breakfast when I like – all the good stuff. I just have more control over what kind of pie I eat for breakfast & how frequently.